I got FIRED!

dammit lar! suppose to meet my boss to set my shedule! then i never go.... jus now he called me and said i dont need to come anymore..... wadd the hell sia... haizzz nvrm then.. poly posting is on the 6th of march! WOW! i cant wait! soo exciting! suprisingly i miss going to school... i think it must be the feeling we're soo used to waking up everyday just to go to school... hahaha! school is our life! its where we meet frens, make new friends and just to have fun!!

yeah! met eddie and the guys! that was an excellent match! fun sia! cant wait to play again! hahaha then met up with shidah and natasha! Eeeee we went to play pool at simei! im like the only guy with two girls playing pool... they said i look like a 'mat' jus becoz the way i use my cap.... wad the hell ler... im no 'MAT' please... they're just a bunch of fools.. bloody posers.. i suck at pool lar! missed soo many easy shots.... maybe i gave too much chance.. hahhaaahaah.. couple of months never play pool ler... i only play in swimming pool! hahahas did 20 laps in the morning... PLEASE! dont find that hard to believe.. under all that blubber, there's stamina! yeah! im gonna make myself lose all that blubber! then you'll see the new me! tommorrow morning! another 20 laps! once i made up my mind, no one can change it! hahahass!!!

sooo tired =(

work was like hell!! jus reached home...
today, everything went back to usual operations which means that the kitchen is opened to serve food... lunch time was giler!! the place was packed like siao... order after order after order... my whole body smell like coffee... been making coffee non-stop!! iced coffee, latte, cuppacino and all that other drinks... omg! then the bloody coffee making machine died on me! i was like panicking oredi... still got soo many orders!! then, my colleague told me that he off the main power... i was like WHAT THE HELL!! scare me for what! after that particular episode, everything went smoothly... soo many people ordered steak or a filet... the sweet smelling meat!! sooo tempting... only ate oreos since no time for a break... people keep on coming in.... then the worst happened! RAN OUT OF MILK!!! had to rush to 7-eleven... looked kinda stupid walking with a plastic bag full of cartons of milk... everyone was looking... soo embarressed... hahahaas then boss treat us dinner!! thank you BOSS!! the best boss ever! haahahaaass... today was my last day at BLEND INN.. they asked me if i want to stay on as a part time, but i said i'll think about it... 5 straight days i've been soloing at the cafe!! nid a rest!! open and close the cafe... cleaning the place, making coffee and serve people.. soo goddamn tiring... nid a rest!!
tmr! slack at home!! nid to catch up on my sleep!! been goin home 2-4 am.... not enough sleep!! every night go home with mandarin oranges... my fridge is full with the round things... hahaahahaas... We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are, and what happens just happens and thats the truth!!!

it has been over more than a week and i cant get over it! i wonder whats wrong with me... this the 1st time it happened to me and its freaking me out... during work or anytime or anywhere i would always thing about it... the beautiful things that i would have given is still on my dresser waiting to be given.. my heart is in the middle of nowhere.. my mind is a complete blank... my eyes shows me black and white.. my ears only registers a low buzzing sound... every fibre of my being yearns to be held.. theres only one way but it aint ever going to be... sufferring will be the driving force in my life...

Blend INN!!

Wow! finally got a job!! unfortunately its only temporary... the chinese staff went on holiday to celebrate new year and they needed people to work for these past few days... ITS a cafe/restaurant!! but for the last 4 days it was only a cafe. anyways! i learn how to make all kinds of drinks! so similar to the ones available at starbucks!! its like they had to go for training just to make the drinks whereas i got the job straight on the spot! they just gave me the recipe lists and thats it! suprisingly easy to make! mmmmm! chocolate decadance!! yummy! the besst i ever made!! and the whipped cream! (saliva dripping) hahas! my boss, mr umar is freaking nice lar! AND he's only 24! he's a shareholder in a networking company and he makes 330k per month!! MY GOD!! thats sooo much!! whats more, he told me he just sold off his sports car to get another one!!! wow! it seems being an entrepenuer is quite a good thing too... and at such a young age he's making big bucks!! my 1st customer ordered a coke float!! got nervous ler... especially when taking orders... hhahaas... the people are very very very nice!!! let me tell y'all, even the drinks are a bit expensive, its well worth it!! yeah yeah!! and if no one is looking, i make you a drink for free!!



sunday! went to work, quite slack as its chinese new year and only 5 customers that day... quite fun.. then ran into my cousin after work.. didnt noe that his family was goin to rent a room at hotel rendevous! then got myself invited to sleepover!! yeah yeah!! we partied till there no tmr!!! watch NORBIT at 1210am at the grand cathay near the hotal and the inn!! OMG!! the best show i ever watched!!! everyone's funny bone was tickled non stop!!! eddie murphy acting was the best! taking on 3 characters was quite a feat to begin with BUT!! he pulled it off!!! yeah yeah!! then we hanged around at plaza singapura and talk and smoke and talk and smoke and walk and drink and eat and talk and cross the road and into the lobby and into the lift and out the lift and into the room then on the bed and SLEEP coz working the next day!! hyyyaahhh!!! fun fun fun!! didnt know working at a cafe would be soo fun eventhough the pay is crap but money is still money.... hahas coffee is good! coffee is great!! coffee is spectacular!!!

it still hurts.. it does.. always, everytime, anywhere and anyhow... maybe its an illusion i have to push away... moving on seems to be difficult...

its soo bad, nothing can cure it

wednesday and thursday...

wednesday wasnt soo bad.. went out with shidah and tasha.. 3 of us dateless on v'day soo who better to spend it with than with friends.. BUT! waiting for tasha to finish her facial is like forever... shidah and me were like zombies with nothing much to do... the place was at bedok north block 515.. my god, super boring place to be... construction everywhere... went searching for an atm machine for shidah... then, CANNOT WITHDRAW MONEY!!
not enough money in her account... SAD!!! hahaaas then we went to have dinner! thank you shidah!! thank you tasha for the CHOCOLATES... she just wanna keep me fat!

thursday! my goodness.. at home, reading, swimming, downloading songs, chatting online(1st time sia), then went brooding and thinking of what to do next... thinking bout my life... thats all i've been doing when im free... think.. think of possibilites, think of the future, past and present... think bout people, think bout absolutely everything... maybe its a symptom of depression... i need a cure for it!!!

well well well... now im just lost.. what to do, what to do, what to do.... i've lost most of my emotions... swim most of my time away, floating around..

cant do anything now

cant sleep, cant eat, cant even relax...
cant even dream or have nightmares...
cant listen, think, decide or even execute...

never before this happen to me...
i feel betrayed but i cant blame anyone...
im confused because of me hesitating...
its my own fault, really

my attributes didn't serve me well...
too trusting, open-hearted, and dream of things that isn't just possible...
what kind of person i am?
people always say i've been a good friend...
maybe thats all i'm good for...

cried in my sleep...
can't remember why as i didn't dream bout anything last night...
woke up with wet eyelids and a red nose...
oh my god... whats wrong with me..
why does it hurts soo much...
no one can soothe it or make me feel better...

i know you didnt mean to let slip but thanks anyway.. you've been a good friend to everyone... you made me realise my mistake and my foolishness into believing it would ever be possible... it was a wasted effort yesterday.. all my written heart felt word in the end seems like scribbling or vandalism... but thanks anyway... you've done everything right and i'm proud of you...

i want to give a suprise but instead i got one

it hurts soo much... today dah la semangat... then BANG! a real shocker and heartbreaking smacked me right in the face... sigh and you know what? i actually cried for the 1st time in years.... i must have looked pathetic...
everything was ready.. now, it seems that theres no point to it... sori for troubling you today... all that hardwork seems to go to waste.. at least get to watch 'long weekend'... im in pieces... i don't think i can get myself together again... my mind is totally a freaking blank.. i dont noe what to do.. it seems that i cant do anything right in my life... soo god damn depressing.... now im coated with the agony of depression... what am i supposed to do now? wat bout tmr? what bout next week? what bout next month? what bout the rest of my life? anymore of it and i rather just die... no more a burden to people... i apologise for all my mistakes... maybe thinking it was possible is a mistake... i must be crazy... maybe its fated... i'll nvr know now... i hope tmr never comes.. cant be semangat oredi so i rather be a keramat.... it seems no one can help in my situation anymore... it would nvr succeed... if only...

i can breathe again!!!

oh my goodness!!! i made it!!! with a bunch of Bs and Cs!!!
haaaaaaaaA!!! can finally breathe properly without my heart stuck in my throat!!
HIQMAH!!! you did great!!! 8 distinctions!!! you do us proud!!! i'm deeply honoured to have you as a fren!!
wow wow wow!! see, told you not to worry... top in school sia!!! whereas i'm with the bottom half!! but its OK!! we're going poly!!!! i'm happy!!! you did great too!!! going to jc is a good choice and i'll support you all the way!!!
yea!!! don't give up hope!! hmmm!!! wooohoooo!!!

The dreaded day has finally arrived!

oh crap, bollucks, omg, ahhhhhh!!!! its today!!! 4hrs plus to go!!
oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!!!! cant sleep!!! bad dreams!! Oh my god!
my heart is racing non stop... crap crap crap.. pray pray pray!! been praying like a prophet!!
cant believe time went by soo freaking fast... i've been getting the feeling that i'm screwed just like the first time i took 'n' levels.. omg omg omg!! damn damn damn!! i going insane!!! the word 'flunk' has been going to through my mind non stop since last week!!! oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit!!! my god, what if i flunk? wad the hell am i suppose to do? its killing me!! oh no oh no... whoooosshhhh!!!! if only a gust of wind can blow my worries away..... damn damn damn my life is over!!!! no life can die!!! please please please please!!! prelims aggregate dah lah terok!! don't let it happen again this time!!! crap crap crap!!


GOOD LUCK ALL!!! may everything work out for you!! didnt hear from you ever since.. you're keeping me in suspense, whats more todays the day of the beginning of our life!!! i give all my luck to you!! may you succeed!

week, weak, and weeks;

=D smiles all around for me! hmm embarressing moments for me too...
last monday, my cap fell onto the train tracks after a gust of wind blew it off my head...
damn embarressing sia.. the train station staff were sOooo gungho, talking soo load on their
radios.. my goodness, all that for one cap.. everyone was looking sia... my face went super red like a beacon in the darkness.. hahas not one of my best moments but something good to tell...
then went to tampines stadium to get tickets for the 1st leg of the asean football championship final!
like sial lar, the line freaking long but move along quite fast.. bought extra tickets coz hiqmah was like not sure whether she wanted to go or not but in the end my sis took the tickets and hiqmah got some herself..


tuesday was a major slacking day... sat in front of com watching youtube... watched all kinds of funny shows...
went swimming then slept on the chairs beside the pool under the sun... sigh wat a nice feeling..ha hah haha..
i know my chance when its given to me.. my belly got sunburned! ouch... forgot to put sunblock.. yearppp, another moment in my life... sigh nothing much to eat at home though... luckily for me kenneth brought food for me when we met... fried beehoon! yummy finally....


wednesday! football day! yahoooo! went to kallang mrt station with sis and her friends! Ooooo... for fourteen year olds, they look like matured eighteen year olds..( when i said matured, you guys should noe wat i mean =p) hahas
yeah then met up with muhammad and his work colleagues... uber funz! while walking to the stadium, we were making fun of everything we see ler... thai's, cars, even this apek we met along the way... cruel ain't we... damnn
the stadium was packed at the entrances... some of them got tired waiting and just broke open the gate and everyone rushed in.. hahas singaporeans are hooligans!! Wooooooooooo!!! kallang wave!! BUTOH! ref KAYU!! THAI GI MAMPUS!!! apemacam? all this came out during the match... yeah.. some of the spectators threw botels and even packets of rice onto the field... hahas rowdy bunch of idiots...even the police came to investigate but didn't do anything because of the mass of people there.. takut jadi riot sia... hahas


thursday was another uneventful day... Borriinnggg!!


FIrday!!! family bangalow weekend!!! yay!! uber fun all around! watchin movies, karaoking, soccer, bbq, soccer, watching soccer, eating, drinking, going to the beach, cycling, rollarblading, climbing the spider web, going round and round the spinning thingy, riding the flying fox, having fun at the beach, talking, joking, driving, smoking, smiling, shouting, snacking, cleaning, sleeping, playing games, listening songs, cooking, cocktailing, and more and more and more from friday all the way to monday! hahas welll, me and my cousins talked about personal stuff too, giving advice and taking them.. we went to downtown east jus for the fun of it.. so yeah.. uber fun weekend!!!


alls well that ends well... but, its not really well when you dun get what you really desire.. devotion and desire is what im willing to give.. time is something we shall never have..