i want to give a suprise but instead i got one

it hurts soo much... today dah la semangat... then BANG! a real shocker and heartbreaking smacked me right in the face... sigh and you know what? i actually cried for the 1st time in years.... i must have looked pathetic...
everything was ready.. now, it seems that theres no point to it... sori for troubling you today... all that hardwork seems to go to waste.. at least get to watch 'long weekend'... im in pieces... i don't think i can get myself together again... my mind is totally a freaking blank.. i dont noe what to do.. it seems that i cant do anything right in my life... soo god damn depressing.... now im coated with the agony of depression... what am i supposed to do now? wat bout tmr? what bout next week? what bout next month? what bout the rest of my life? anymore of it and i rather just die... no more a burden to people... i apologise for all my mistakes... maybe thinking it was possible is a mistake... i must be crazy... maybe its fated... i'll nvr know now... i hope tmr never comes.. cant be semangat oredi so i rather be a keramat.... it seems no one can help in my situation anymore... it would nvr succeed... if only...