Fun with Friends!!

Friends! can't live without them! Can't live without you either.

if you're reading this, you know how i feel.

friday, 26th of january 2007

Yeah!! Class Reunion!!! thank you john bintan!!! for organising this for us! no wonder you were our chairman like forever! excellent!! Pasir ris BBQ pit 8!!! at the start kinda suay... rained and rained. couldn't get the fire to start going so use the alluminium tray instead as a temporary solution.. hahas the beehoon was excellent! the best i've ever eaten! damn the picture is a bit blur :( hahas eventually it stop raining and we got the fire burning at the pit. chicken! CHicken! CHICKEN!!! yum yum! nice and juicy and not to mention crispy! HOT~DOGS TOO! and marshmallows and corn and drinks and MORE drinks and other type of drinks!! during the whole night not even a clear sky.. with dark clouds threatening to rain BUT fortunately for us it didn't rain!! hahas played games with poker cards! noisy bunch of people we are! Not only the pit was giving out smoke but other people too!! together with drinks, it was a rousing good BBQ!! yea yea! to the left, to the left!! true enough! then at the end of it, a whole bunch of us left together and proceeded to downtown east arcade!! MARIO GO KART!! funny siol!! funny weapons were given!! rain cloud, ghost etc... hahashs then sat down at macdonalds and chat and chat and eat and chat and drink and chat and smoke and chat and drink and .....!! THEN went to the new place at bedok for late night gaming!! crazy siol! wasted money on a cab home!! actually wanted to walk home but raining sia! no choice!

Saturday, 27th of january 2007

woke up with a damn hang over.. the bright sunlight was killing my eyes and my head... Ooo panadol saved my life! headaches all around!! stayed at home most of the morning... the usual problems.. stomach ache, headache, itchy and sleepy... went to kallang in the afternoon with ian and kenny for soccer... the place was called the CAGE. not a bad place but freaking expensive lar! one hour $95! crazy sia but the were 15 people there so $6 each... cute sia! the people after us rented the place for a birthday party with soccer as it theme.. the kids face were painted with flags.. apparently some of the adults wanted some of the action.. after that went to kallang stadium hoping that they'll give complimentary tickets to the game!! SINGAPORE VERSUS MALAYSIA!! but dammit!! dun have sia.. super waste my time lar! sold out sia the tickets... wanted to buy...

went to the busstop... ian and kenny took a different bus as they were going to pasir ris.. then left me waiting for the bus! SHANKS!! 45 minutes of waitiing!! stupid! my ezlink ran out money and i paid cash lar... paid ninety cents and the uncle asked for one dollar and ten cents!! i'm like waat the hell... twenty cents only sia and i ran out of coins... bus drivers can be a pain in the ass... give chance lar... then he gave me a gangster look to intimidate me.. i gave him my best ever fuck you look! hah! take that! reached home, watched the match, ordered pizza, ate pizza, choked on the pizza, cheered like mad, made milo, watch star movies, watched star sports(MANU VS PORTSMOUTH), then hit the sack!

Sunday, 28th of january 2007

Woot! woke up at 12 sia.. can't believe it.. missed religious class again... missed breakfast again.. whats more! there was no one at home... home alone for the better part of the day.. went swimming, did 20 laps(nid to lose my bubbly fat!) the water was like freezing ler eventhough it was a bright sunny day... yeah yeah! then met ian and kenny again at marine parade for dinner and to meet up with thier girl(friends) kiara and nina.. hahas they are like the hottest girls at marine parade that day.. ate macdonalds sia.. we're sooo on a budget! then went to eunos for soccer! again! but shiok arh played with little kids.. soo exciting! little kids with skill! one of them actually slammed into me and brought me down for the count! OUCH! my ankle hurts! kena swarmed by them all!! hahas yeah yeah!! 7-eleven is a store and more! that's where we went! for drinks! both kinds of drinks!! mixed them all and we have my superb creation!!! hahaahs!!!!!! fun and fun and fun!!! so basically my weekend is soccer themed!! yeah yeah!!!

Miss ya!! if you're reading this, MR. is actually ihsan.. the apek china! eekk!! hahas

fun and fun and more fun!

i'm an adreneline junkie!

nid more and more and more!!!! i want you to give it to me!!!

why?

i wish for a life,

a life of dreams,

dreams without conflict,

full with people,

whom i need and care,

that's all i wish for,

isit so much to ask?

nothing much was achieved yesterday... went to bugis, played pool, eat at macdonalds, coffee at starbucks, walked around, waited for the bus, talk crap on the bus, made funny faces, did idiotic things....

saw a bunch of kids from northlight school.. i don't know whether its a secondary sch or primary sch... they were like kids.. short and young faces... when they got on the bus, freaking noisy lar.. even though my MP3 was at full blast, can still hear them lar... can you imagine? wats more, it was a group of couples... their younger than me sial... wats the world coming to? why can't i have the things people have? happiness and a sense of belonging... arrived at kembangan.. played for a while... win some, lose some.

here i am, writing this post, eating french toast for breakfast, coffee by my side talking bout my pathetic life which can be better but to no avail... sometimes i think that people find me insignificant, an unuseful factor in their lifes.. they chose to ignore me until the time is ripe for them to use me... what a lonely life i lead... stuck with the same old routine.. with nothing to look forward to but my failures to keep me company.. failures in all aspects.. many in particular... all my attempts are nothing but utter failures.. i fear that my life is going to be more worst than it is... with results around the corner.. damn damn damn.... someone or something please please please give me a sign that everything is goin to be alright, that my life is going to be in a better position... show me, teach me, help me...

Far away, i feel ur beating heart

all alone, beneath the crystal stars

starring into space,

what a lonely face,

i try to find my place with you,

larger than the moon my love for you

worlds collide

coz heaven pulls us through

the secret of your world,

is written in the stars

carrying ur heart in mine

Courage

courage is the absence of fear,

fear is the absence of courage,

love is present when there's no hatred,

love soothes the heart,

not weaken or harden it,

embrace it,

understand it,

and never forget it.

well well well.. yesterday i had the most interesting day.... applied for a job at golden village.. would you believe it? i'm getting desperate... well, wats done is done... then met up with some of the guys.. we talked and joked around like idiots... hahas we watched soccer together!! damn.. singapore was like a loser team.. soo many chances and never take the oppurtunity to score... dumbasses... all of them..

at night was the real shocker!! damn.. i reveiled my true feelings to her!!! gods, what the hell was i thinking?? must be the meds that i was taking or something.. dammit!! sigh i must be crazy!! i don't want to lose her!!! it hurts so much just thinking of the consequences.. what if she can't accept me? what if she's disgusted by this? what if the love i want to give isn't enough reason? so many questions going through my mind.. i can't resolve my mind this time... i had nightmares... thinking of what the final conclusion might be.. scared the wits out of me.. woke up drenched in my perspiration... heart rate went up.. AND by god, the itch was killing me!! she asked for more time and i'm willing to wait as long as it takes.. i just had to tell her.. i can't keep secrets from her... her sweet face always makes me give in.. can't resist it at all... i just want to make her happy.. never miserable, never sad, never angry and most definitely never feel neglected... well, this is the weirdest declaration of love ever heard of and suprisingly written by me... sigh.. so drowsy, so tired, my mind thinks of nothing else...

help me... give me a chance, that's all i ask for.. one chance is all i need.. without conflict like the ones in my dreams, a world like i've seen in my dreams, all my loving, without it, i can't go on. the days we can't or never meet, we always have continued on.. used to be without you knowing but now you do.. there's nothing else i can do but wait and wait and wait till you are ready.

the AWESOME weekend!!

it hurts;

always do,

from my heart,

to my soul.

exist without conflict,

on daily peace.

Iitai koto wa iwanakucha!

From gloomy friday till sunny sunday morning!! crashed at hiqmah's bangalow rented by her mum(thank you mummy!) Wow wow wow!!! time of arrival- 1530 friday! met up at hiqmah's place to help her with the bbq stuffs! then 4 of us (hiq, jnh, zihui and me) took a cab... hahas did funny stuff during our stay there... went cycling for the charcoal( downhill was a blast) then watched horny movies!! the 4 of us! the feeling was weird watching naked girls on screen with girls watching it with me.. bloody hilarious ler the movie! then we send zihui to the busstop since she got a meeting with her workmates(go printer lady!) and i finally met the infamous ahmad fauzi aka pillow! haha a nice chap somewhat like me in some ways... met new people during the weekend.. both interesting and nice! didnt sleep the 1st night arh.. got distracted like hell... talking crap, played card games, twister, and all those other lame games played to pass time... then w8ted till 4am to order macdonalds for breakfast! yeah yeah yeah!! then i jus had to rain when i was setting up the bbq pit... my hard work all gone down the drain.... becouse the rain dripped from a plant which now i now was poison ivy, my body's is freaking red and very itchy!!! the doctor thought it was dengue fever... damn scare me sia!!! then he gave me a bunch of pills which one of them is steriods which i hav to swallow 6 pills after every meal... i looked at the doc's face and asked him whether he was serious... dammit lar... the stupid drug makes me drowsy and makes my vision blurry.... argh!!! but it was well worth it to spend time with friends during the weekend... it will be forever printed into my memory!!!

dammit sia!! the bastard just had to spoil the evening!! i would sure like to give him a smack for his troubles he given us!!! damn you!! you're a dumbass!! u're ruining other peoples chances for a better life by interfering into it!!! just go away!!

The curse of stepfathers

Many people are like me... they have stepfathers in their lifes... some are good to them, some a typically bastards and there are those who don't give a shit about you... the one i have is a mixture of all of these features.. he expects so much out of me.. when i fullfill it, there's no hint of pride from him or even affection... i can say that throughout my whole life, i have been devoid of fatherly affection... Sometimes i think that because of this, i am who i am today.. not loved, not wanted... damn, i always think that i would have been a different person if my birth parents nvr split up... i would have had a better life, with affection that is needed by a child during their childhood.. "sigh"

why why why am i given this life? the only time he's nice is when his friends or family is in attendance for example during hari raya... nasty crappy shitty!! damn! he owes me cash and he doesn't want to repay me... always bitching about money problems.. he wouldn't have money problems if he doesn't do his hair-brained schemes of his.. he put it upon himself.. i rarely ask money from him.. and when i do, he'll start bitching bout me wasting HIS money on unnecassry things.. well well well, he says i waste his money?? he took on the responsibility of me when he married my mother.... then now he's complaining... his firstborn child, my sister, waste more money than me and he nvr ever complains. S.O.B!! sigh... thats life for me.... i've been given this destiny and fated to live through it till the ends of time... this blog portrays the dark side of me, so i'm sorry if its seems that i'm being a sarcastic bastard but what i'm saying is the bloody truth... always getting on my case... im sooo FRUSTRATED!!!!!

sigh

<--- my given nickname and stuck with it ever since.. Dubbed by 2 girls that i have nvr met before 2-3 years back.. now, we're friends! and am loving every second of it! the reason why i was given this nick is bcoz when iskandar smack my back, it made a loud sound which go piak!! so there.. don't ask me ever again.. makes me tired to repeat it over and over again to the same old people...

today, i was stuck at home.. freaking damn boring ler.. the house was like a graveyard... sooo quiet but tats the way i like it.. peace is wat everyone needs from time to time.. watched a couple of old movies on the movie channels.. didcha noe that the actors during the golden days were SOoo lame and hav no artistic skill during their acting?? my god!! how did they win awards is a mystery... technology back then was also a piece of crap!! star wars for instance.. the lightsaber battles during episodes 4-6 was god damn boring... sigh...

damn damn damn!!! shit being lovesick sucks!! Soo afraid to tell her!! the feeling of longing, the worrying. the insight that is denied, argh!!! its killing me slowly!! plz make it fast and painless!! drug me or something!! don't make me suffer another rejection.. once was ok, twice i can handle, thrice was so and so, the rest? we'll jus hav to see.. my one relationship was in shambles.. 2months only... Ahhhh!!! she was stolen by a mat!!!! wats with mats anyway? why do girls like them soo much?? looks like decency went out of the window along with the years long past... wats the world coming to? goodness, we need a saviour!!! and i cant be it!!

TEH KATAI SATU!

3 days 2 nights.... at my cousin's place!
the best time i ever had this year! rented out dvds and had a marathon!! Wah, our eyeballs were like bulging out!!( watched too many dvd i guess).. then at midnite, his frens called us to meet them...
Damn, we sat at this coffeeshop whole bloody night.. best sia.. teh tarik was called teh katai.. excellent sia the teh... telling lame jokes and stories.. this one guy said that ' not all muslims are terrorist, but all terrorist are muslims'.. all of us took 5 seconds to digest this information.. then we burst out laughing!! gods.. the amount of rokok we smoked, people may think that there was a fire! hahas
some of them brought guitars with them.. so we serenaded like a bunch of drunkards.. not bad sia.. recorded it in a microfone connected to a laptop... freaking good lar... hahas.. then this girl named shami, broke the glass protecting the fire hose! an act of an idiot some of them said but thats fun! hahas
made so much noise when the glass shattered... we quickly ran off before the police came or something...
we had breakfast at the coffeeshop and then went off our separate ways...
played soccer on my cousin's PS2 till 7am( got too tired and eventually went to sleep)

woke up 2 hours later.. went for a YOUTH FOR LIFE course at bishan.. learn about stuff that i didnt noe of...(i'm lazy to go into detail coz its too much information) yeah... during the lecture, both of us were like drifting off to sleep but after a cup of coffee, we were revitalized! yea yea! then we went back and used his laptop.. my cousin is a damn casanova! all he has is flings with no strings attached.. whats more, all the girls he dated are all 'A' class girl.. WoooooooT!!! damn beautiful la!! his laptop full of photos of the girls la... jealous sia!! jambu siols! where the hell he meet those lovelies is a damn mystery.... hahas
well enuff of that... talked about crap most of the day.. bout his past flings and those he wished to have flings with.. =P now, thats wat i call ambition... YEAH!!

the next day... woke up.. my aunt prepared an excellent westrn breakfast! fish and chips!! wah, shocking la... so much too eat but no space for my tank(too fat, must cut down) hahas... then nat called me and asked me to go for a gig at bugis, somewhere called the guess house? where the hell... dunno where sia.. sorry la nat i nvr go... dunno your frens la.. ltr i embarress myself unnecessarily and you unintentionally... hahas maybe next time... too tired to go anyways.. lack of sleep from the previous nights... yeayea!

this expreience... damn.. made me miss the good old days.. hanging oit with the guys at starbucks... and all that.. haiz...miss them and her too.. if only they would REMEMBER to call me and ask me out! hahas (hinting here) haaaa!! Oh, its quiet this night...

ArGhhh!! i'm wet!

Rain, rain, rain!! thats wat been happening the whole freaking day... While i was walking on the pavement, this car, speeding like a wild coyote through a huge puddle of water, it smack me right in the face leaving me soaking wet!! damn.. it was already cold and with wet clothes made it more worst.. here i am, my nose all runny and red, body shivering like mad from long exposure in an airconditioned enviroment... uber crap! sigh... fate made me like this.. there must be a logical reason why this happened to me ):

Mmmmm!!! lucky for me there was a pot of tea tarik at home waiting for me! i could feel it trickle down my stomach... ahhh wat a sensation to behold! like always, hanged out with the same old people( damn, nid to find more people to hangout with) but today was a bit better!! hahas COZ got some1 blanja me!!! spend spend spend till his money no more!! so generous and i thank you for that!! maybe when i have spare cash i would do the same to all my frens!! hahas(which will be a lonngg time) RINDU bangat sama dia! hahas damn, i sure miss someone with her smile, laugh and jus her presence will satisfy me... jus dun forget me...YEA!!! aite!! slp time!

god! help these people!

people! eh, if you want to ditch someone or avoid the bloody person, stop using reasons such as i GTG! wat the hell!!! lame ass reason... so obvious u're lying ler... C'MON!! be truthful! jus say it! the truth shall set you free!! in my mind, the one onli thing that penetrate it is WTF!!! lame sia!! jus smack it in my face that u dun want to talk with me.... wth... dun give lame reasons lar... tired lar, tmr nid to wake up early lar, watever ler!!! over and over again i've been listening to the same stupid reasons!! its draining my IQ!!! Eeeee.... shit, we're adults, we can do better than that... rather than resulting to childish solutions and way of thinking!! for instance, some1 blow me off by saying that they gtg when that i know for a fact that they ain't goin no where... the bastards... shit.. do i look dumb or stupid to you?? stop treating me like a petulant child!!! i'm no child! look at me! i'm soo big that no one wants me!! haiz.. the curse of being me... we're made like that and we can't do shit about it....

so plz!! change your ways! be honest with urself and to people..... GOOD NIGHT!

the meaning of life!

this is a meaningful life as life is meaningful.. not like those meaningless fools such as those with fake body parts and blanks and nothing in their lifes that makes no meaning.. however,lucky me.. because eventhough my life has been nothing but downhill, i realise that there are still people that care for me... you wanna know why life is meaningful? because it is not an empty shell with spaces and only spaces with your name on it along with the date which states the time you actually wasted to order to waste your time by planning it and accepting it just for thesake of a more meaningful life .. and to refresh your memory on wad a meaningful life is, it is a life with meaning in it and not just spaces and only spaces.. haha.. sothere you go.. a definition of a meaningfull life and i hope you enjoy it to the fullest..

look at me.. i've talking crap and nonsense to both people i noe and don't noe... wth the hell is the matter with me?? i nid help!! get my mind back into focus! another crappy day! same old, same old... bullshitting at the wrong places!(hahas) i've just been damn mean to everyone today.. I'M SORRY! forgive me? hahas please understand... i'm sick.. in a sense... both emotionally and mentally... there's no existing cure... the onli way is to SPEND me time with me!! i must be eating too many crappy-patties!! my brain is becoming a dry sponge!

water!!! i nid water!!!

the sTaRt of something new

like the title said! the start of something new!

its like, confusing starting up this blog... crap took quite a long time!

finally got the hang of it... still got some bugs to squish!

damn cold day today! freeze my nuts and butt off!

here iam, with nothing better to do when people are having fun during their post 'O' levels

BUT, i'm FUELed by agony so pile up on the agony! BrinG it on!

No job, no life, little frens, shitty lifestyle thats fit for the dogs! haiz

thats life for you and me!

gods! i seriously need help! help me! anyone? please?

remedy my agony, i beg of you!

help me, help you as the saying goes...

i've given soo much to people

i just wish they would show their gratitude a little more often...

nothing much was accomplished today... did the same usual stuff...

hanged out with the same people, at the same place and at the same time...

the onli difference is that someone whom i have not talked or seen in a long time

called me in the morning and we played on msn!

i must be lame to think that it is sooo exciting...

hahas

Lost to her in solitaire showdown and ONLINE UNO!

hahas, i must be crazy but wat goes around, comes around!

maybe tmr will be a better day for all of us...

one can onli hope and wish it to be true...

Skeptic realistic me!