my heart bleeds; always

simply smart;

2007-07-27T12:14:00.000+08:00

hey hey

2007-07-08T09:39:00.000+08:00

hah! aite, this week made new friends! Wowowowow, bren, feo, iman, mad, mike, keith, afif, bosco, and a whole lot more! last night TON the night with themm... wahhh its like a whole different expreince with them.. at first we met up at rahimah's at kembangan to eatt.. then we took the bus to the skate park coz some bands were performing there, the songs were okkayy laa but the people there were great... then we craash into a moviee which was TRANSFORMERS! i tell you arh, the 2nd time is the best laa especially when we went in for free! then FREE FOOD! you know why? we ordered like there's no tommorrow, then all of us ran off! yeahh it was jus excellent night for me! fooooooo!

ok this morning, woke up with damn hang over! not from drinking, but from lack of sleep =P
then, syam called mee.... he ponteng madrasah again... then call me to go out with him.. wahhhh this buggerr... every sunday without fail he call me... wellll thats my life for this week!!

(its been a long long timee)

it stopped for awhile, but went wide open again;

2007-07-05T09:40:00.000+08:00

ahhh, im such a bad bad student... ponteng sch jus to watch a movie. BUT it aint for any movie, ITS TRANSFORMERS! autobots, LETS ROLL! wooohoooo! kickass movie man! the start of the movie was jus fantastic sia.. bang boom piangg plangg whooshh zapp bzzzzz BOOOM! expensive sound effect man! 2 guys and a girl, watching tranformers. then super slack all around laa... wlk there, walk here, go eat at lau pa sat then walked back then take train then go tampines then get free haircut then take train then seat beside bangla then stop at kembangan then go home DAH BIS! yupee thats it! this was monday!

yesterday got abit different, macam weird, soo many ppl say wanna stay as frens but in the end nvr, so im worried laa... sorry laa, im a guy, muahahha stupid reason but true! i don't know wat to say, i'll be your friend long long oso can... BUT! TAPI! in the not so near future, if i still got a chance (which i seriously doubt but hopeing for the best), tell me! THATS IT! =)

Simply Put;

2007-06-28T22:59:00.000+08:00

Another line in another's book,
Another Friend, just a friend

Emptiness have darken my eyes,
Tell me why,
Why should i be contented by only this,

People say the truth shall set you free,
the truth keeps me chained,

YACKDUSH!!

2007-06-12T09:00:00.000+08:00

pictures pictures pictures!! FINALLY!! got PhotoS to show!! camp camp camp! damn shit! but haven get those from my sentosa trip!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!

simply put, it was just excellent!

do you feel the process??

2007-05-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

yeeeeeehhhaaaahh!! FUND-RAISING EVENT (COMPLETED) yeahhhh!!! right! monday and tuesday Wooooohoooo!! customers were like flocking around the booth! this are what we sold on those 2 days!

ahh doesnt it look good? yeahhh... initial budget - 100 ---> total sales for both days - 672 the process is great and we feel it good!! wow! sorryy not much other photos.. my cam went on the fritz... ahahah my team was in charge of publicity... man oh man, if you all saw what i wore that day, you'll die of laughter!! seriously, went running around the whole republic poly to get customers... ahh soo kind! some of them gave me one look and said YES! i'll buy from you!! damn what a great feeling.. some of them even took photos with me.... i was like wadd the hell?? but who cares... gave them my 100 watt smile and said THANK YOU COME AGAIN in my best indian accent!! ahahahsss!!! yeahhh!! overall it was a great success!!!

Probation evaluation - 29 may

2007-05-26T10:34:00.000+08:00

who would believe it, me, a student ambassador... well, almost.... ahhhhh sooo hard to plan a fund-raising event... soo many things to consider, soo many proposals, soo many meetings.... gonna have a training camp for those who passed the probation period and i hope i would pass! being assistant in-charge isnt a joke... soo many reponsibilities but in some weird way, i seem to like it... crazy huh? secondary sch, i was such a slacker and now im taking up responsibilities.. ahahahss!! been chatting on msn with mr huggies himself alot lately.... i dunno why.. kinda want get the latest news on those i haven't seen quite some time ago... he has the free time to see them but i dont... class starts at 9am and finishes at 5pm.. then after got student ambassadors stuff... ahh so that kinda sucks.. adding with the time taken to travel back and forth... ahhh see my dilemma... not much photos to show, my samsung phone finally died... poly life and that much diferent than sec sch life.... jus abit more freedom but the same requirements... ahhhhh i give up!

what did i do wrong?;

2007-05-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

ok, my weekend has just been spoiled by the bastard who i call my stepfather.... the moron just had to spoil a perfectly good weekend.... saturday night, he just came back from playing badminton with his friends and here i am on my laptop typing out e-mails for my interest group when suddenly he shouts at me to go to sleep... what the hell? im fucking 18+ and TELL me to sleep soo early... then there was a mess in the kitchen which wasn't my fault and i got a fucking tell off.... then he said the house macam rumah kuching... then i said since he's living in this rumah kuching, help clean it up la.... its like everytime he sees a mess, he expects the rest of us to clean it up.... then he fucking blow his temper on me coz he knows that what im saying is true... then blame me for disrespecting him... after that my mother came into it... what the hell la... then he said i treat him as his friend which u entirely don't! he aint my friend, stepfather or anything else... to me,he's just living there and i act as if he's part of the furniture that came with the house.... ever since he came into my life, he's nothing, we have no relations except th fact that's he's married to my mother... we have no father-son relationship and thats the way i like it... im never going to shed a tear for him, not now, not ever... just becoz of a small matter became a big explosion....

2007-05-07T21:57:00.000+08:00

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry

call I'm desperate for your voice

I'm listening to the song we used to sing

In the car, do you remember

Butterfly, Early Summer

It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet

I was born to tell you I love you

and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine

Stay with me tonight

Stripped and pollished, I am new, I am fresh

I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh

Because every breath that you will take

while you are sitting next to me

will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?

I was born to tell you I love you

and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine

Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment

makes me want to come back home x4

( I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

I was born to tell you I love you a

nd I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine S

tay with me tonight

I was born to tell you I love you

and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine

Stay with me tonight

( I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Secondhand Serenade - Your call

2007-05-03T16:07:00.000+08:00

2007-04-29T18:54:00.000+08:00

wWooowowww!!! marcus!! dude!!! your songs rock big time!! AVIAN SIXTY FOUR!!! omg! it seriously didnt sound like you la but who the hell cares!! the songs were off the hook!!! i know i know im doing this without you knowing but I MUST PROMOTE YOU GUYS!! eh eh visit www.myspace.com/aviansixtyfour!! damm excellent!!!

this is them!! according to order from the left; marcus, born, izz, shark, bob and val! nvr met this guys b4 but marc is the one i know!! Woowow! marc! if you're reading this, DUDE congrats man! your demo sounds great!! MORE more more more!!! dont stop and give more!! ahhhhhh!!!

to anyone who is reading this!! to visit their myspace and listen to their songs!!! man oh man they'll knock your socks off!!!

2007-04-27T11:10:00.000+08:00

the 5 of us... funny huh? new place but same old faces.. ahaass.. this was yesterday.. supposedly to go out with other but kena cancelled so hanged out in RP instead.. not bad.. quite fun actually... a lot of new things to see... but, kinda disappointed about yesterday la... was kinda excited about yesterday's outing then pbbfftt.... i understand why but..... what's done is done.. cant do anything about it.. family comes first i suppose... aahhassss.... i'm being kinda pathetic, so forgive me... slack slack slack.... got hang over.. abit la.. not from drinkin or anything, jus tired and from bad dreams... ahaha NOT wet dreams... ahahassss

2007-04-24T09:12:00.000+08:00

dont i look funny? new poly, new look! ahahs doesnt this picture remind you of someone? muahahahaa! 1st week of poly life was 'A' OK! suprisingly presenting your work at the end of the day can be quite exciting. alot of new friends to present with! ahahahss my modules for the 1st 6 months are all basics that is required for the rest of my poly education! my lecturers/facilitators hav funny names seh.. peng peng, mok mok and alot more!! muahaha i look myself in this picture also makes me laugh!! ahahahs!!

W26D! 25people. 5 teams of 5! everyday change teams to better accomplish or assignment! my modules are basic sciences, computing and mathematical methods, cognitive processes and probelm solving, communication practice and lastly enterprise skills... sounds boring but actually isnt! ahahhas

yeahhh! heres my team for fridays!!

more fun to come i hope!! muahahaha so far all gerek sia!! nobody's head stick in their jubohs!!

still waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting till no one knows when

2007-04-19T21:11:00.000+08:00

dammit la... cant even joke around anymore... everyone like soo freaking sensitive la.... its either that or im too naive or gullible.... this is bullshit la.... joking around is my way of life la... aint fun anymore... everything i say seem to piss her off la... im going like what the hell la.... stick your heads in your juboh if dun want to listen la.. see if i give a damn.. do you want me to be a heartlesss bastard? if so then just tell me in my face la.. trust me when i say i can be as cruel as the next person... im freaking tired just travelling up and dwn singapore la dumbasses and still i have to go through this shit la... people just dont know how lucky they are to have me the way i am... rack your brains next time!! think before you say anything.. i like to joke around SO dun take everything sooo seriously la... whats life if there's no fun and laughter at all... if dun want these things then why not go back into time and let hitler win the war then everyone will be happy!!

copy and paste

2007-04-17T10:34:00.000+08:00

She said this and i quote "In fact!! I'm really happy!! Know why?? Because, initially, when we met up at Republic Poly(RP) I felt really tensed. So then, as we go on, I started to relax, and the reason is, because.....finally!!!! I know that *sings* I'm so over it….yessss!!!! woohoo!! It also got me thinking, why did I even went through it. it's not that he's bad or anything, he's really nice. But it's something words can't explain. "

ahh.. actually im happy for her. she has and can moved on... its kinda my fault so i cant anything to it... ahhhhh im such a fool to let her go... my heart macam kena chopped into pieces like that.... yesterday mcm awkward like that... its like i cant talk to her normaly without feeling weird or something like that.... sucks huh? maybe as time moves on, we will change and be more comfortable around each other....

im such a fool... dont you think so?

SEG!! SAH!!!

2007-04-15T16:30:00.000+08:00

i bet when you see this, your mind would instantly think of the tv series BUT NOOOOO!!! its actually the theme for RP's orientation program! excellent!! its actually 3 days but only went for the 1st and 3rd day.. 2nd day ponteng!!! ahahas the 1st day met my classmates for the 1st six months of my poly life which will change after that period of time... all of us from diferent courses mixed together to form a class of 25... in each class there's 5 teams of 5... and guess what? im bloody team leader.... everyone like sooo shy shy soo i volunteer la... our facilitator (lecturer) kinda brief us on what to expect this semester... yeahh then we did a mock presentation which was awesome!! ahhahahhhhhhaass!!! 2nd day ponteng coz lazy to wake up soo early... have to wake up at 6 and be out of the house before 7.. understand ler.. damn tiring... everyday take the same bus oso siannn... yeahhh 3rd day alot of running around the poly campus taking part in somekind of scavenger hunt... ok la.. everyone from the different SCHS were running in the same direction la... people kept on bumping against each other.. Ewwww... sweaty people bunched up together... ahhhhhhh!!! SEG! SAHH!! SEG! SAHH!!! S.E.G! SAH SAH SAH!!! SEG stands for school of engineering!! its kinda our cheer... me and jiarong was like huh?? damn demoralizing ler... its like we're back in secondary sch yeahhh!! GROUP 23!!! or SEG 23!! that was our team!! man oh man.. there's this guy from china.. no one understand what crap he was talking about coz his accent was soo damn thick then kena bully by this guy named raj.. BLOODY INDIAN BULLYING CHINA BOY!! what a cliche!! the 2 most criticise country in the world battling against each other!! ahahasss!! the food given was like crappppp.... the rice taste like spoil oredi sia yeah!! then we had somekind of mascot making program.. everyone from each sch had to make a mascot!! SEG was a bloody snake WHICH i had to carry up stage to show it to everyone in RP.... at least i wasnt the only one arhh.. that was the only consolation i got!! the finale was dammm POWER!! its like bands, rappers, hiphop dancers and any other entertainment group found in RP was there to give us freshman a peek in thier lives!!! wah LAU!!! damn exciting lar!! the downside was that it was held at the football pitch WHICh was soaking wet and full of mud.... my shoes are ruined =( ahhhhhh then finish around 10pm like that!! LOL
soo thats my orientation for RP... lalalaaaaaa!!! it seems all good but that remains to be seen!!! ahahas

2007-04-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

not bad not bad... did meet new and known people! suprisingly someone i thought i'll nvr see again in my life! ahahas cuckcoo bird lar!! bastards bitches and bullocks! 3 words to describe what im feeling now... oh my goodness... cant compete with a memory... whats in the past stays in the past... i wonder whats wrong with me... cant figure it out... got a freaking headache now.. damn whoooshh and vrrroooommm going inside my mind... damnn fuuuyoohhh!!! nose bleed!! =p ppbbbffftttt!!!! im screwed big time... dammnn aint fun when the effort you put in goes unnoticed.. like crap huh? the feeling is just isnt right... i had what i wanted and i threw it all away... its damn wronngggg!!! i feel like a damn fool now... too late to do anything now... cant change it... when you cant beat them, join them...

2007-04-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

tommorrow's a new day! a new beginning perhaps! oreintation here i come! the day is finally here when i can properly call myself a POLY STUDENT!! new and old friends to meet... ahh

to whoever who is reading this.. ask yourself this question... are you in love with love or are you in love with the person you're in love with? i still dunno the answer to that question.. maybe soon maybe never...

2007-04-04T00:37:00.000+08:00

BOREDOM!!! its uber killing me!! haven been this bored since i dont know when.... my gosh what a fool i have been and still being the fool... been playin idiotic games with poker cards.. solitaire lar and 24... hahahs see how pathetic i can be when i'm stuck at home... i need something or someone!! since its oredi 4th of april, today's plan oso kena cancel... i know i know... you cant help it... damn, wadd the hell am i gonna do ltr? just now soo bored till i cleaned up my room WHICH i dont normally do until the next hari raya or some other special occasion... class notes were like everywhere... 6 years worth of notes = 4 huge plastics bags.. damn heavy... didnt eat much too... 2 reasons.. i lost my appetite and bcoz the food was too salty.. smoking's bad but eating salty food is worse ler.. rather die to smoking than to salty food... come to think of it, both is just as bad as each other... while cleaning my room, found couple of memorable items... damn.. its making me wish to go back in time to exprience it all over again... it would be damn excellent!! then i can jaga my intake!! ahhaahaaha thats wishful thinking but once in a while wishes come true.... ahahah oh yah, yesterday met up with marcus, fah, hakim, adi, mdnoh and his girl, and huda... they went jamming then i met up with them... wanted marcus to transfer some songs and flicks to my laptop... yah... then went to fah's place to lepak... it was near damai soo it was like old times... then watch american pie- the naked mile... GUYS and GALS watch it! seriously its good! then played PS and smoked(me and fah) yeahhh... thats it.. from exciting to damn boring.... haizz

(a fool is what i am and a fool i will still be.. what is done; is done... cant do crap.. just need to hope and wish that things would just go my way for once in this lifetime... everything has fall to pieces once too many times.... and i've paid the price for my stupidity)

jus passing it along!!

2007-04-01T10:37:00.000+08:00

yeah... i was on jannah's list.. sooo, since got nothing better to do.. i'll do it...

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME
-trying to get people to call me khairul again and not arifin
-my life is full of random happennings
-my mind's in a complete mess/confused
-i like people to call me cute/bubbly/cuddly instead of fat
-laptop rocks!
-disgusted by lame people
-POLY here i come!

7 THINGS IM AFRAID OF
-ALLAH
-Death/apocolypse
-Love
-rejection
-BABI
-life without fun
-enemies

7 RANDOM SONGS
-+44(155)
-hot hot heat(middle of nowhere)
-the red jumpsuit apparatus(face down)
-the red jumpsuit apparatus(false pretense)
-incubus(anna molly)
-leigh nash(ocean size love)
-the afters(beautiful love)

7 THINGS I LOVE
-family and friends
-punggol mee goreng
-watching anyting and everything
-grey's anatomy rocks!
-laptop
-hanging out or lepaking wih friends
-her/s

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST
-wad the f***
-wad the hell
-nonsense lar....
-shoot!
-agrhhh dammit!!
-NoooOOoooooo!!
-YATTA!!

7 PEOPLE TO DO THIS
-HAQ
-TASHA
-SHIDAH
-MARCUS
-MIMI
-JAMES
-TO THOSE WHO'S READING THIS

try it, enjoy it, kick the hell out of it.....

FUJITSU!!! GO GO GO

2007-04-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

yeahh!!! YATTA!! got my laptop!! cost quite a bundle but damn worth it lor!! wah lau... sori becoz soo long nvr post.... dad delayed payment for the internet.... sooo was not connected for quite sometime.... nothing much happened... went for enrollment on wednesday.... damn long bus ride lar.... have o get used to it coz its gonna be my mode of transportation for the next 3 years at RP!! yeahh... damn funny lar... on that day nvr buy the laptop... then 2 days ltr, went back to RP to buy it, then they say out of stock.... wah lau... damn waste of time... THEN in the afternoon, they call me to say that the stock is oredi here.... bullocks man... then this morning WENT BACK TO RP with weijie to collect the LAPTOP.... then can pay full by nets becuase of the 2k limit or something like that... had to go to a atm to WITHDRAW some cash then paid through both nets and cash.... im like dammit lar.. nvr say earlier... going back and forth from the east to the north..... dammit... $20 worth of ezlink cash went down the drain.... not literally... but, you get wat i mean... ahahahs wah lau.... after that, went roaming around for games for our laptops!!yeahhh like a bunch of nerds!!!

[i dunno whats wrong with me lar... thought i can get over it.. but unfortunately, its soo goddamn hard... been trying... tried with you... cant clear my mind properly... dammit.. im sorry.. seriously... im messed up both in mind and body... (body im not soo sure....) yeahh.. my goodness..]

application was unsuccesful; TWICE!!!

2007-03-17T11:26:00.000+08:00

damn it lar..... twice my application to poly was unsuccessful... freaking annoyed now ler.... then got offered for a course at republic poly.. supply chain management sounds lame right? its just a course about logistics and suprisingly its an engineering course.... aiyoyoyoyoyo... im just hoping that DAE appeal to temasek poly gets accepted then can join the rest AND NOT travel all the way to woodlands... damn waste of money on travelling fare... ahahaaaahaahaahhaaa!!! YATTA!!! something excellent happened to me yesterday!!! damn made my day happy! WhoooooHoooooooo!!!! shiok arh babe!!! yessszzaaa!!!

At any given moment, the brain has 14 billion neurons firing at a speed of 450 miles per hour. We don’t have control over most of them. When we get a chill...goose bumps. When we get excited...adrenaline. The body naturally follows it’s impulses, which I think is part of what makes it so hard for us to control ours. Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not control, that we later wish we had. this is SOOO true!! but my decision is not o impulse sooo DONT WORRY!!! ahahahahaha!!

time;

2007-03-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

Time takes pleasure in kicking our asses.

For even the strongest of us it seems to play tricks.

Slowing down... hovering until it freezes.

Leaving us stuck in a moment- unable to move in one direction or the other.

Time waits for no man.

Time heals all wounds.

All any of us can want is more time.

Time to stand up.

Time to grow up.

Time to let go.

Time.

pure and mindless

2007-03-07T12:39:00.000+08:00

saturday was reunion for us all! malay people plus one half&half from 5a1 and 5a2 of 2005! before anything, here is some pics!

yeah! these are the people who came!! quite a few didnt come for some reason or another.. yeahh! the first few hours, it was bright and sunny! thennn, dark clouds was hanging over the beach... then we moved to a near y shelter where we got it all to ourselves!!! YAY!! played card game with poker cards and uno cards!! yearpp! food was excellent thanks to me! marinated the chicken myself! thank you thank you! for catering, please call me!! hahas! serious! its the best chicken ever! yeahh!!! after one year we met up!! finally!! hahas
then after the whole affair, me and marcus went to lido!! my god! after one year, he turn from mummy's boy to casanova!!! marc!!! you bloody change my perception of you!!! didnt think you had it in you!!! dude, soo many girl right in the palms of your hands!! even those i know of!!you damn surpassed md noh lar!! hanged out at the starbucks till late at night! took the night rider home!! wow! $3 sia!!! shit! i got to go!!! i'll update again ltr tonight!

dreams;

2007-03-01T11:55:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had a dream that actually came true? not dreams like you dream to become something you're not, but dreams of a perfectly normal day that you have yet to experience. you dream what happen on that day and maybe in the near future, you'll feel a sense of deja vu.. 'dreams' is the title i chose for my 'o' level english paper one... the reason i chose it for one simple reason, i myself have experienced this particular feeling.... its just an amazing feeling.... it seems that we have to power to see the future in our dreams as in the character in 'heroes'... cant say any examples coz its a bit complicated to explain.. last night i had a dream.. the best dream i ever had.. my greatest wish had came true... i was truely happy... my point is that i really hope that this dream comes true in the future!! this feeling i had, its just amazing! it felt as if everything was right for once in my life... i woke up with a smile set on my lips and my heart beating rapidly and there was tears in my eyes( i poked myself in the eye :P) dreams is something that is part of our psychosis(chim word!) About my dream, well if you really want to find out! ask me yourself!!!

if you can just guess what my dream is about, TAG IT! then i'll answer it!

I got FIRED!

2007-02-27T00:30:00.000+08:00

dammit lar! suppose to meet my boss to set my shedule! then i never go.... jus now he called me and said i dont need to come anymore..... wadd the hell sia... haizzz nvrm then.. poly posting is on the 6th of march! WOW! i cant wait! soo exciting! suprisingly i miss going to school... i think it must be the feeling we're soo used to waking up everyday just to go to school... hahaha! school is our life! its where we meet frens, make new friends and just to have fun!!

yeah! met eddie and the guys! that was an excellent match! fun sia! cant wait to play again! hahaha then met up with shidah and natasha! Eeeee we went to play pool at simei! im like the only guy with two girls playing pool... they said i look like a 'mat' jus becoz the way i use my cap.... wad the hell ler... im no 'MAT' please... they're just a bunch of fools.. bloody posers.. i suck at pool lar! missed soo many easy shots.... maybe i gave too much chance.. hahhaaahaah.. couple of months never play pool ler... i only play in swimming pool! hahahas did 20 laps in the morning... PLEASE! dont find that hard to believe.. under all that blubber, there's stamina! yeah! im gonna make myself lose all that blubber! then you'll see the new me! tommorrow morning! another 20 laps! once i made up my mind, no one can change it! hahahass!!!

sooo tired =(

2007-02-22T00:03:00.001+08:00

work was like hell!! jus reached home...
today, everything went back to usual operations which means that the kitchen is opened to serve food... lunch time was giler!! the place was packed like siao... order after order after order... my whole body smell like coffee... been making coffee non-stop!! iced coffee, latte, cuppacino and all that other drinks... omg! then the bloody coffee making machine died on me! i was like panicking oredi... still got soo many orders!! then, my colleague told me that he off the main power... i was like WHAT THE HELL!! scare me for what! after that particular episode, everything went smoothly... soo many people ordered steak or a filet... the sweet smelling meat!! sooo tempting... only ate oreos since no time for a break... people keep on coming in.... then the worst happened! RAN OUT OF MILK!!! had to rush to 7-eleven... looked kinda stupid walking with a plastic bag full of cartons of milk... everyone was looking... soo embarressed... hahahaas then boss treat us dinner!! thank you BOSS!! the best boss ever! haahahaaass... today was my last day at BLEND INN.. they asked me if i want to stay on as a part time, but i said i'll think about it... 5 straight days i've been soloing at the cafe!! nid a rest!! open and close the cafe... cleaning the place, making coffee and serve people.. soo goddamn tiring... nid a rest!!
tmr! slack at home!! nid to catch up on my sleep!! been goin home 2-4 am.... not enough sleep!! every night go home with mandarin oranges... my fridge is full with the round things... hahaahahaas... We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are, and what happens just happens and thats the truth!!!

it has been over more than a week and i cant get over it! i wonder whats wrong with me... this the 1st time it happened to me and its freaking me out... during work or anytime or anywhere i would always thing about it... the beautiful things that i would have given is still on my dresser waiting to be given.. my heart is in the middle of nowhere.. my mind is a complete blank... my eyes shows me black and white.. my ears only registers a low buzzing sound... every fibre of my being yearns to be held.. theres only one way but it aint ever going to be... sufferring will be the driving force in my life...

Blend INN!!

2007-02-21T10:03:00.000+08:00

Wow! finally got a job!! unfortunately its only temporary... the chinese staff went on holiday to celebrate new year and they needed people to work for these past few days... ITS a cafe/restaurant!! but for the last 4 days it was only a cafe. anyways! i learn how to make all kinds of drinks! so similar to the ones available at starbucks!! its like they had to go for training just to make the drinks whereas i got the job straight on the spot! they just gave me the recipe lists and thats it! suprisingly easy to make! mmmmm! chocolate decadance!! yummy! the besst i ever made!! and the whipped cream! (saliva dripping) hahas! my boss, mr umar is freaking nice lar! AND he's only 24! he's a shareholder in a networking company and he makes 330k per month!! MY GOD!! thats sooo much!! whats more, he told me he just sold off his sports car to get another one!!! wow! it seems being an entrepenuer is quite a good thing too... and at such a young age he's making big bucks!! my 1st customer ordered a coke float!! got nervous ler... especially when taking orders... hhahaas... the people are very very very nice!!! let me tell y'all, even the drinks are a bit expensive, its well worth it!! yeah yeah!! and if no one is looking, i make you a drink for free!!

sunday! went to work, quite slack as its chinese new year and only 5 customers that day... quite fun.. then ran into my cousin after work.. didnt noe that his family was goin to rent a room at hotel rendevous! then got myself invited to sleepover!! yeah yeah!! we partied till there no tmr!!! watch NORBIT at 1210am at the grand cathay near the hotal and the inn!! OMG!! the best show i ever watched!!! everyone's funny bone was tickled non stop!!! eddie murphy acting was the best! taking on 3 characters was quite a feat to begin with BUT!! he pulled it off!!! yeah yeah!! then we hanged around at plaza singapura and talk and smoke and talk and smoke and walk and drink and eat and talk and cross the road and into the lobby and into the lift and out the lift and into the room then on the bed and SLEEP coz working the next day!! hyyyaahhh!!! fun fun fun!! didnt know working at a cafe would be soo fun eventhough the pay is crap but money is still money.... hahas coffee is good! coffee is great!! coffee is spectacular!!!

it still hurts.. it does.. always, everytime, anywhere and anyhow... maybe its an illusion i have to push away... moving on seems to be difficult...

its soo bad, nothing can cure it

2007-02-16T10:00:00.000+08:00

wednesday and thursday...

wednesday wasnt soo bad.. went out with shidah and tasha.. 3 of us dateless on v'day soo who better to spend it with than with friends.. BUT! waiting for tasha to finish her facial is like forever... shidah and me were like zombies with nothing much to do... the place was at bedok north block 515.. my god, super boring place to be... construction everywhere... went searching for an atm machine for shidah... then, CANNOT WITHDRAW MONEY!!
not enough money in her account... SAD!!! hahaaas then we went to have dinner! thank you shidah!! thank you tasha for the CHOCOLATES... she just wanna keep me fat!

thursday! my goodness.. at home, reading, swimming, downloading songs, chatting online(1st time sia), then went brooding and thinking of what to do next... thinking bout my life... thats all i've been doing when im free... think.. think of possibilites, think of the future, past and present... think bout people, think bout absolutely everything... maybe its a symptom of depression... i need a cure for it!!!

well well well... now im just lost.. what to do, what to do, what to do.... i've lost most of my emotions... swim most of my time away, floating around..

cant do anything now

2007-02-13T09:53:00.000+08:00

cant sleep, cant eat, cant even relax...
cant even dream or have nightmares...
cant listen, think, decide or even execute...

never before this happen to me...
i feel betrayed but i cant blame anyone...
im confused because of me hesitating...
its my own fault, really

my attributes didn't serve me well...
too trusting, open-hearted, and dream of things that isn't just possible...
what kind of person i am?
people always say i've been a good friend...
maybe thats all i'm good for...

cried in my sleep...
can't remember why as i didn't dream bout anything last night...
woke up with wet eyelids and a red nose...
oh my god... whats wrong with me..
why does it hurts soo much...
no one can soothe it or make me feel better...

i know you didnt mean to let slip but thanks anyway.. you've been a good friend to everyone... you made me realise my mistake and my foolishness into believing it would ever be possible... it was a wasted effort yesterday.. all my written heart felt word in the end seems like scribbling or vandalism... but thanks anyway... you've done everything right and i'm proud of you...

i want to give a suprise but instead i got one

2007-02-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

it hurts soo much... today dah la semangat... then BANG! a real shocker and heartbreaking smacked me right in the face... sigh and you know what? i actually cried for the 1st time in years.... i must have looked pathetic...
everything was ready.. now, it seems that theres no point to it... sori for troubling you today... all that hardwork seems to go to waste.. at least get to watch 'long weekend'... im in pieces... i don't think i can get myself together again... my mind is totally a freaking blank.. i dont noe what to do.. it seems that i cant do anything right in my life... soo god damn depressing.... now im coated with the agony of depression... what am i supposed to do now? wat bout tmr? what bout next week? what bout next month? what bout the rest of my life? anymore of it and i rather just die... no more a burden to people... i apologise for all my mistakes... maybe thinking it was possible is a mistake... i must be crazy... maybe its fated... i'll nvr know now... i hope tmr never comes.. cant be semangat oredi so i rather be a keramat.... it seems no one can help in my situation anymore... it would nvr succeed... if only...

i can breathe again!!!

2007-02-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

oh my goodness!!! i made it!!! with a bunch of Bs and Cs!!!
haaaaaaaaA!!! can finally breathe properly without my heart stuck in my throat!!
HIQMAH!!! you did great!!! 8 distinctions!!! you do us proud!!! i'm deeply honoured to have you as a fren!!
wow wow wow!! see, told you not to worry... top in school sia!!! whereas i'm with the bottom half!! but its OK!! we're going poly!!!! i'm happy!!! you did great too!!! going to jc is a good choice and i'll support you all the way!!!
yea!!! don't give up hope!! hmmm!!! wooohoooo!!!

The dreaded day has finally arrived!

2007-02-09T09:36:00.000+08:00

oh crap, bollucks, omg, ahhhhhh!!!! its today!!! 4hrs plus to go!!
oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!!!! cant sleep!!! bad dreams!! Oh my god!
my heart is racing non stop... crap crap crap.. pray pray pray!! been praying like a prophet!!
cant believe time went by soo freaking fast... i've been getting the feeling that i'm screwed just like the first time i took 'n' levels.. omg omg omg!! damn damn damn!! i going insane!!! the word 'flunk' has been going to through my mind non stop since last week!!! oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit!!! my god, what if i flunk? wad the hell am i suppose to do? its killing me!! oh no oh no... whoooosshhhh!!!! if only a gust of wind can blow my worries away..... damn damn damn my life is over!!!! no life can die!!! please please please please!!! prelims aggregate dah lah terok!! don't let it happen again this time!!! crap crap crap!!

GOOD LUCK ALL!!! may everything work out for you!! didnt hear from you ever since.. you're keeping me in suspense, whats more todays the day of the beginning of our life!!! i give all my luck to you!! may you succeed!

week, weak, and weeks;

2007-02-06T09:41:00.000+08:00

=D smiles all around for me! hmm embarressing moments for me too...
last monday, my cap fell onto the train tracks after a gust of wind blew it off my head...
damn embarressing sia.. the train station staff were sOooo gungho, talking soo load on their
radios.. my goodness, all that for one cap.. everyone was looking sia... my face went super red like a beacon in the darkness.. hahas not one of my best moments but something good to tell...
then went to tampines stadium to get tickets for the 1st leg of the asean football championship final!
like sial lar, the line freaking long but move along quite fast.. bought extra tickets coz hiqmah was like not sure whether she wanted to go or not but in the end my sis took the tickets and hiqmah got some herself..

tuesday was a major slacking day... sat in front of com watching youtube... watched all kinds of funny shows...
went swimming then slept on the chairs beside the pool under the sun... sigh wat a nice feeling..ha hah haha..
i know my chance when its given to me.. my belly got sunburned! ouch... forgot to put sunblock.. yearppp, another moment in my life... sigh nothing much to eat at home though... luckily for me kenneth brought food for me when we met... fried beehoon! yummy finally....

wednesday! football day! yahoooo! went to kallang mrt station with sis and her friends! Ooooo... for fourteen year olds, they look like matured eighteen year olds..( when i said matured, you guys should noe wat i mean =p) hahas
yeah then met up with muhammad and his work colleagues... uber funz! while walking to the stadium, we were making fun of everything we see ler... thai's, cars, even this apek we met along the way... cruel ain't we... damnn
the stadium was packed at the entrances... some of them got tired waiting and just broke open the gate and everyone rushed in.. hahas singaporeans are hooligans!! Wooooooooooo!!! kallang wave!! BUTOH! ref KAYU!! THAI GI MAMPUS!!! apemacam? all this came out during the match... yeah.. some of the spectators threw botels and even packets of rice onto the field... hahas rowdy bunch of idiots...even the police came to investigate but didn't do anything because of the mass of people there.. takut jadi riot sia... hahas

thursday was another uneventful day... Borriinnggg!!

FIrday!!! family bangalow weekend!!! yay!! uber fun all around! watchin movies, karaoking, soccer, bbq, soccer, watching soccer, eating, drinking, going to the beach, cycling, rollarblading, climbing the spider web, going round and round the spinning thingy, riding the flying fox, having fun at the beach, talking, joking, driving, smoking, smiling, shouting, snacking, cleaning, sleeping, playing games, listening songs, cooking, cocktailing, and more and more and more from friday all the way to monday! hahas welll, me and my cousins talked about personal stuff too, giving advice and taking them.. we went to downtown east jus for the fun of it.. so yeah.. uber fun weekend!!!

alls well that ends well... but, its not really well when you dun get what you really desire.. devotion and desire is what im willing to give.. time is something we shall never have..

Fun with Friends!!

2007-01-29T09:34:00.000+08:00

Friends! can't live without them! Can't live without you either.

if you're reading this, you know how i feel.

friday, 26th of january 2007

Yeah!! Class Reunion!!! thank you john bintan!!! for organising this for us! no wonder you were our chairman like forever! excellent!! Pasir ris BBQ pit 8!!! at the start kinda suay... rained and rained. couldn't get the fire to start going so use the alluminium tray instead as a temporary solution.. hahas the beehoon was excellent! the best i've ever eaten! damn the picture is a bit blur :( hahas eventually it stop raining and we got the fire burning at the pit. chicken! CHicken! CHICKEN!!! yum yum! nice and juicy and not to mention crispy! HOT~DOGS TOO! and marshmallows and corn and drinks and MORE drinks and other type of drinks!! during the whole night not even a clear sky.. with dark clouds threatening to rain BUT fortunately for us it didn't rain!! hahas played games with poker cards! noisy bunch of people we are! Not only the pit was giving out smoke but other people too!! together with drinks, it was a rousing good BBQ!! yea yea! to the left, to the left!! true enough! then at the end of it, a whole bunch of us left together and proceeded to downtown east arcade!! MARIO GO KART!! funny siol!! funny weapons were given!! rain cloud, ghost etc... hahashs then sat down at macdonalds and chat and chat and eat and chat and drink and chat and smoke and chat and drink and .....!! THEN went to the new place at bedok for late night gaming!! crazy siol! wasted money on a cab home!! actually wanted to walk home but raining sia! no choice!

Saturday, 27th of january 2007

woke up with a damn hang over.. the bright sunlight was killing my eyes and my head... Ooo panadol saved my life! headaches all around!! stayed at home most of the morning... the usual problems.. stomach ache, headache, itchy and sleepy... went to kallang in the afternoon with ian and kenny for soccer... the place was called the CAGE. not a bad place but freaking expensive lar! one hour $95! crazy sia but the were 15 people there so $6 each... cute sia! the people after us rented the place for a birthday party with soccer as it theme.. the kids face were painted with flags.. apparently some of the adults wanted some of the action.. after that went to kallang stadium hoping that they'll give complimentary tickets to the game!! SINGAPORE VERSUS MALAYSIA!! but dammit!! dun have sia.. super waste my time lar! sold out sia the tickets... wanted to buy...

went to the busstop... ian and kenny took a different bus as they were going to pasir ris.. then left me waiting for the bus! SHANKS!! 45 minutes of waitiing!! stupid! my ezlink ran out money and i paid cash lar... paid ninety cents and the uncle asked for one dollar and ten cents!! i'm like waat the hell... twenty cents only sia and i ran out of coins... bus drivers can be a pain in the ass... give chance lar... then he gave me a gangster look to intimidate me.. i gave him my best ever fuck you look! hah! take that! reached home, watched the match, ordered pizza, ate pizza, choked on the pizza, cheered like mad, made milo, watch star movies, watched star sports(MANU VS PORTSMOUTH), then hit the sack!

Sunday, 28th of january 2007

Woot! woke up at 12 sia.. can't believe it.. missed religious class again... missed breakfast again.. whats more! there was no one at home... home alone for the better part of the day.. went swimming, did 20 laps(nid to lose my bubbly fat!) the water was like freezing ler eventhough it was a bright sunny day... yeah yeah! then met ian and kenny again at marine parade for dinner and to meet up with thier girl(friends) kiara and nina.. hahas they are like the hottest girls at marine parade that day.. ate macdonalds sia.. we're sooo on a budget! then went to eunos for soccer! again! but shiok arh played with little kids.. soo exciting! little kids with skill! one of them actually slammed into me and brought me down for the count! OUCH! my ankle hurts! kena swarmed by them all!! hahas yeah yeah!! 7-eleven is a store and more! that's where we went! for drinks! both kinds of drinks!! mixed them all and we have my superb creation!!! hahaahs!!!!!! fun and fun and fun!!! so basically my weekend is soccer themed!! yeah yeah!!!

Miss ya!! if you're reading this, MR. is actually ihsan.. the apek china! eekk!! hahas

fun and fun and more fun!

i'm an adreneline junkie!

nid more and more and more!!!! i want you to give it to me!!!

why?

2007-01-25T10:47:00.000+08:00

i wish for a life,

a life of dreams,

dreams without conflict,

full with people,

whom i need and care,

that's all i wish for,

isit so much to ask?

nothing much was achieved yesterday... went to bugis, played pool, eat at macdonalds, coffee at starbucks, walked around, waited for the bus, talk crap on the bus, made funny faces, did idiotic things....

saw a bunch of kids from northlight school.. i don't know whether its a secondary sch or primary sch... they were like kids.. short and young faces... when they got on the bus, freaking noisy lar.. even though my MP3 was at full blast, can still hear them lar... can you imagine? wats more, it was a group of couples... their younger than me sial... wats the world coming to? why can't i have the things people have? happiness and a sense of belonging... arrived at kembangan.. played for a while... win some, lose some.

here i am, writing this post, eating french toast for breakfast, coffee by my side talking bout my pathetic life which can be better but to no avail... sometimes i think that people find me insignificant, an unuseful factor in their lifes.. they chose to ignore me until the time is ripe for them to use me... what a lonely life i lead... stuck with the same old routine.. with nothing to look forward to but my failures to keep me company.. failures in all aspects.. many in particular... all my attempts are nothing but utter failures.. i fear that my life is going to be more worst than it is... with results around the corner.. damn damn damn.... someone or something please please please give me a sign that everything is goin to be alright, that my life is going to be in a better position... show me, teach me, help me...

Far away, i feel ur beating heart

all alone, beneath the crystal stars

starring into space,

what a lonely face,

i try to find my place with you,

larger than the moon my love for you

worlds collide

coz heaven pulls us through

the secret of your world,

is written in the stars

carrying ur heart in mine

Courage

2007-01-24T09:57:00.000+08:00

courage is the absence of fear,

fear is the absence of courage,

love is present when there's no hatred,

love soothes the heart,

not weaken or harden it,

embrace it,

understand it,

and never forget it.

well well well.. yesterday i had the most interesting day.... applied for a job at golden village.. would you believe it? i'm getting desperate... well, wats done is done... then met up with some of the guys.. we talked and joked around like idiots... hahas we watched soccer together!! damn.. singapore was like a loser team.. soo many chances and never take the oppurtunity to score... dumbasses... all of them..

at night was the real shocker!! damn.. i reveiled my true feelings to her!!! gods, what the hell was i thinking?? must be the meds that i was taking or something.. dammit!! sigh i must be crazy!! i don't want to lose her!!! it hurts so much just thinking of the consequences.. what if she can't accept me? what if she's disgusted by this? what if the love i want to give isn't enough reason? so many questions going through my mind.. i can't resolve my mind this time... i had nightmares... thinking of what the final conclusion might be.. scared the wits out of me.. woke up drenched in my perspiration... heart rate went up.. AND by god, the itch was killing me!! she asked for more time and i'm willing to wait as long as it takes.. i just had to tell her.. i can't keep secrets from her... her sweet face always makes me give in.. can't resist it at all... i just want to make her happy.. never miserable, never sad, never angry and most definitely never feel neglected... well, this is the weirdest declaration of love ever heard of and suprisingly written by me... sigh.. so drowsy, so tired, my mind thinks of nothing else...

help me... give me a chance, that's all i ask for.. one chance is all i need.. without conflict like the ones in my dreams, a world like i've seen in my dreams, all my loving, without it, i can't go on. the days we can't or never meet, we always have continued on.. used to be without you knowing but now you do.. there's nothing else i can do but wait and wait and wait till you are ready.

the AWESOME weekend!!

2007-01-22T23:04:00.000+08:00

it hurts;

always do,

from my heart,

to my soul.

exist without conflict,

on daily peace.

Iitai koto wa iwanakucha!

From gloomy friday till sunny sunday morning!! crashed at hiqmah's bangalow rented by her mum(thank you mummy!) Wow wow wow!!! time of arrival- 1530 friday! met up at hiqmah's place to help her with the bbq stuffs! then 4 of us (hiq, jnh, zihui and me) took a cab... hahas did funny stuff during our stay there... went cycling for the charcoal( downhill was a blast) then watched horny movies!! the 4 of us! the feeling was weird watching naked girls on screen with girls watching it with me.. bloody hilarious ler the movie! then we send zihui to the busstop since she got a meeting with her workmates(go printer lady!) and i finally met the infamous ahmad fauzi aka pillow! haha a nice chap somewhat like me in some ways... met new people during the weekend.. both interesting and nice! didnt sleep the 1st night arh.. got distracted like hell... talking crap, played card games, twister, and all those other lame games played to pass time... then w8ted till 4am to order macdonalds for breakfast! yeah yeah yeah!! then i jus had to rain when i was setting up the bbq pit... my hard work all gone down the drain.... becouse the rain dripped from a plant which now i now was poison ivy, my body's is freaking red and very itchy!!! the doctor thought it was dengue fever... damn scare me sia!!! then he gave me a bunch of pills which one of them is steriods which i hav to swallow 6 pills after every meal... i looked at the doc's face and asked him whether he was serious... dammit lar... the stupid drug makes me drowsy and makes my vision blurry.... argh!!! but it was well worth it to spend time with friends during the weekend... it will be forever printed into my memory!!!

dammit sia!! the bastard just had to spoil the evening!! i would sure like to give him a smack for his troubles he given us!!! damn you!! you're a dumbass!! u're ruining other peoples chances for a better life by interfering into it!!! just go away!!

The curse of stepfathers

2007-01-19T11:25:00.000+08:00

Many people are like me... they have stepfathers in their lifes... some are good to them, some a typically bastards and there are those who don't give a shit about you... the one i have is a mixture of all of these features.. he expects so much out of me.. when i fullfill it, there's no hint of pride from him or even affection... i can say that throughout my whole life, i have been devoid of fatherly affection... Sometimes i think that because of this, i am who i am today.. not loved, not wanted... damn, i always think that i would have been a different person if my birth parents nvr split up... i would have had a better life, with affection that is needed by a child during their childhood.. "sigh"

why why why am i given this life? the only time he's nice is when his friends or family is in attendance for example during hari raya... nasty crappy shitty!! damn! he owes me cash and he doesn't want to repay me... always bitching about money problems.. he wouldn't have money problems if he doesn't do his hair-brained schemes of his.. he put it upon himself.. i rarely ask money from him.. and when i do, he'll start bitching bout me wasting HIS money on unnecassry things.. well well well, he says i waste his money?? he took on the responsibility of me when he married my mother.... then now he's complaining... his firstborn child, my sister, waste more money than me and he nvr ever complains. S.O.B!! sigh... thats life for me.... i've been given this destiny and fated to live through it till the ends of time... this blog portrays the dark side of me, so i'm sorry if its seems that i'm being a sarcastic bastard but what i'm saying is the bloody truth... always getting on my case... im sooo FRUSTRATED!!!!!

sigh

2007-01-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

<--- my given nickname and stuck with it ever since.. Dubbed by 2 girls that i have nvr met before 2-3 years back.. now, we're friends! and am loving every second of it! the reason why i was given this nick is bcoz when iskandar smack my back, it made a loud sound which go piak!! so there.. don't ask me ever again.. makes me tired to repeat it over and over again to the same old people...

today, i was stuck at home.. freaking damn boring ler.. the house was like a graveyard... sooo quiet but tats the way i like it.. peace is wat everyone needs from time to time.. watched a couple of old movies on the movie channels.. didcha noe that the actors during the golden days were SOoo lame and hav no artistic skill during their acting?? my god!! how did they win awards is a mystery... technology back then was also a piece of crap!! star wars for instance.. the lightsaber battles during episodes 4-6 was god damn boring... sigh...

damn damn damn!!! shit being lovesick sucks!! Soo afraid to tell her!! the feeling of longing, the worrying. the insight that is denied, argh!!! its killing me slowly!! plz make it fast and painless!! drug me or something!! don't make me suffer another rejection.. once was ok, twice i can handle, thrice was so and so, the rest? we'll jus hav to see.. my one relationship was in shambles.. 2months only... Ahhhh!!! she was stolen by a mat!!!! wats with mats anyway? why do girls like them soo much?? looks like decency went out of the window along with the years long past... wats the world coming to? goodness, we need a saviour!!! and i cant be it!!

TEH KATAI SATU!

2007-01-15T01:33:00.000+08:00

3 days 2 nights.... at my cousin's place!
the best time i ever had this year! rented out dvds and had a marathon!! Wah, our eyeballs were like bulging out!!( watched too many dvd i guess).. then at midnite, his frens called us to meet them...
Damn, we sat at this coffeeshop whole bloody night.. best sia.. teh tarik was called teh katai.. excellent sia the teh... telling lame jokes and stories.. this one guy said that ' not all muslims are terrorist, but all terrorist are muslims'.. all of us took 5 seconds to digest this information.. then we burst out laughing!! gods.. the amount of rokok we smoked, people may think that there was a fire! hahas
some of them brought guitars with them.. so we serenaded like a bunch of drunkards.. not bad sia.. recorded it in a microfone connected to a laptop... freaking good lar... hahas.. then this girl named shami, broke the glass protecting the fire hose! an act of an idiot some of them said but thats fun! hahas
made so much noise when the glass shattered... we quickly ran off before the police came or something...
we had breakfast at the coffeeshop and then went off our separate ways...
played soccer on my cousin's PS2 till 7am( got too tired and eventually went to sleep)

woke up 2 hours later.. went for a YOUTH FOR LIFE course at bishan.. learn about stuff that i didnt noe of...(i'm lazy to go into detail coz its too much information) yeah... during the lecture, both of us were like drifting off to sleep but after a cup of coffee, we were revitalized! yea yea! then we went back and used his laptop.. my cousin is a damn casanova! all he has is flings with no strings attached.. whats more, all the girls he dated are all 'A' class girl.. WoooooooT!!! damn beautiful la!! his laptop full of photos of the girls la... jealous sia!! jambu siols! where the hell he meet those lovelies is a damn mystery.... hahas
well enuff of that... talked about crap most of the day.. bout his past flings and those he wished to have flings with.. =P now, thats wat i call ambition... YEAH!!

the next day... woke up.. my aunt prepared an excellent westrn breakfast! fish and chips!! wah, shocking la... so much too eat but no space for my tank(too fat, must cut down) hahas... then nat called me and asked me to go for a gig at bugis, somewhere called the guess house? where the hell... dunno where sia.. sorry la nat i nvr go... dunno your frens la.. ltr i embarress myself unnecessarily and you unintentionally... hahas maybe next time... too tired to go anyways.. lack of sleep from the previous nights... yeayea!

this expreience... damn.. made me miss the good old days.. hanging oit with the guys at starbucks... and all that.. haiz...miss them and her too.. if only they would REMEMBER to call me and ask me out! hahas (hinting here) haaaa!! Oh, its quiet this night...

ArGhhh!! i'm wet!

2007-01-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

Rain, rain, rain!! thats wat been happening the whole freaking day... While i was walking on the pavement, this car, speeding like a wild coyote through a huge puddle of water, it smack me right in the face leaving me soaking wet!! damn.. it was already cold and with wet clothes made it more worst.. here i am, my nose all runny and red, body shivering like mad from long exposure in an airconditioned enviroment... uber crap! sigh... fate made me like this.. there must be a logical reason why this happened to me ):

Mmmmm!!! lucky for me there was a pot of tea tarik at home waiting for me! i could feel it trickle down my stomach... ahhh wat a sensation to behold! like always, hanged out with the same old people( damn, nid to find more people to hangout with) but today was a bit better!! hahas COZ got some1 blanja me!!! spend spend spend till his money no more!! so generous and i thank you for that!! maybe when i have spare cash i would do the same to all my frens!! hahas(which will be a lonngg time) RINDU bangat sama dia! hahas damn, i sure miss someone with her smile, laugh and jus her presence will satisfy me... jus dun forget me...YEA!!! aite!! slp time!

god! help these people!

2007-01-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

people! eh, if you want to ditch someone or avoid the bloody person, stop using reasons such as i GTG! wat the hell!!! lame ass reason... so obvious u're lying ler... C'MON!! be truthful! jus say it! the truth shall set you free!! in my mind, the one onli thing that penetrate it is WTF!!! lame sia!! jus smack it in my face that u dun want to talk with me.... wth... dun give lame reasons lar... tired lar, tmr nid to wake up early lar, watever ler!!! over and over again i've been listening to the same stupid reasons!! its draining my IQ!!! Eeeee.... shit, we're adults, we can do better than that... rather than resulting to childish solutions and way of thinking!! for instance, some1 blow me off by saying that they gtg when that i know for a fact that they ain't goin no where... the bastards... shit.. do i look dumb or stupid to you?? stop treating me like a petulant child!!! i'm no child! look at me! i'm soo big that no one wants me!! haiz.. the curse of being me... we're made like that and we can't do shit about it....

so plz!! change your ways! be honest with urself and to people..... GOOD NIGHT!

the meaning of life!

2007-01-10T23:15:00.000+08:00

this is a meaningful life as life is meaningful.. not like those meaningless fools such as those with fake body parts and blanks and nothing in their lifes that makes no meaning.. however,lucky me.. because eventhough my life has been nothing but downhill, i realise that there are still people that care for me... you wanna know why life is meaningful? because it is not an empty shell with spaces and only spaces with your name on it along with the date which states the time you actually wasted to order to waste your time by planning it and accepting it just for thesake of a more meaningful life .. and to refresh your memory on wad a meaningful life is, it is a life with meaning in it and not just spaces and only spaces.. haha.. sothere you go.. a definition of a meaningfull life and i hope you enjoy it to the fullest..

look at me.. i've talking crap and nonsense to both people i noe and don't noe... wth the hell is the matter with me?? i nid help!! get my mind back into focus! another crappy day! same old, same old... bullshitting at the wrong places!(hahas) i've just been damn mean to everyone today.. I'M SORRY! forgive me? hahas please understand... i'm sick.. in a sense... both emotionally and mentally... there's no existing cure... the onli way is to SPEND me time with me!! i must be eating too many crappy-patties!! my brain is becoming a dry sponge!

water!!! i nid water!!!

the sTaRt of something new

2007-01-10T01:26:00.000+08:00

like the title said! the start of something new!

its like, confusing starting up this blog... crap took quite a long time!

finally got the hang of it... still got some bugs to squish!

damn cold day today! freeze my nuts and butt off!

here iam, with nothing better to do when people are having fun during their post 'O' levels

BUT, i'm FUELed by agony so pile up on the agony! BrinG it on!

No job, no life, little frens, shitty lifestyle thats fit for the dogs! haiz

thats life for you and me!

gods! i seriously need help! help me! anyone? please?

remedy my agony, i beg of you!

help me, help you as the saying goes...

i've given soo much to people

i just wish they would show their gratitude a little more often...

nothing much was accomplished today... did the same usual stuff...

hanged out with the same people, at the same place and at the same time...

the onli difference is that someone whom i have not talked or seen in a long time

called me in the morning and we played on msn!

i must be lame to think that it is sooo exciting...

hahas

Lost to her in solitaire showdown and ONLINE UNO!

hahas, i must be crazy but wat goes around, comes around!

maybe tmr will be a better day for all of us...

one can onli hope and wish it to be true...

Skeptic realistic me!